Congratulations on having a baby! For many, this is an exciting time. But it also may include sleep deprivation, irritability, perinatal mood disorders, and stress to name just a few complications. With everything going on, sometimes we forget to spend time on our most important preexisting relationship: the one we share with a significant other. So the question is – how do you maintain intimacy with a baby hanging around?
First of all, I’d like to point out that intimacy doesn’t just mean sex. Intimacy is the closeness that you feel to someone else. That can be maintained in so many different ways, and since Valentine’s Day is upon us, I thought I’d throw in some fast ways to feel close to your partner even if you can’t dedicate an hour or two to each other.
1. Take Advantage of Little Breaks
There are so many things that you can do in less than 3 minutes: watch a funny 30-second YouTube video, a mini massage (try feet or hands), run your hands through your partner’s hair, share an inside joke. They may seem little, but if you can grab 2-5 minutes once an hour, it all adds up! These little minutes can even be grabbed while folding the laundry together, grabbing a bite to eat, or even as you walk past each other in the house. Intimacy with a baby is all about catching those quick minutes.
2. Cuddle with Each Other While Cuddling with the Baby
While this is a simple action, you can share your cuddling time with more than one person! This includes any other children you may have, as well. Sit down to watch a movie or show together and cuddle with your partner and your baby. When you cuddle, you naturally release oxytocin which will help you relax and bond.
3. Know Your Partner’s Love Language
If you haven’t heard of the 5 love languages, you should check them out. There’s a quick test that you can take online to tell you your love languages in order of most to least important. If you’re struggling to find time, you can do it on your phone while feeding a baby, or even take the quiz together and answer out loud to let the other person click on your answers. By knowing your partner’s love language, you can more effectively communicate your love to them. And remember – while they may have one dominant love language, they receive other languages, as well.
4. Do/Make/Buy Something for your Partner
Which you decide to use (do/make/buy) will largely depend on your skills and your partner’s love language mentioned above. While they’re spending time with the baby, take a little bit of your time to think about what they would like. While you may not be spending that time together, the thought behind it will really shine through. Don’t forget – this could be something as simple as doing the dishes or making the bed because that’s important to your partner but they just don’t have the time right now. Or it could be grabbing their favorite take-out on the way home, writing a love letter, or a variety of other things.
5. Schedule Time When Possible
This is the hardest one because so many of us don’t live by close relatives anymore, don’t have anyone we trust to watch our baby, or have a very young baby we aren’t ready to leave yet. If it’s not possible, you can try to schedule time during nap time or another quiet time where you don’t work on anything, just spend time together – even potentially while holding your baby if that works for you. If you’re trying to get some time together, how about scheduling a postpartum doula to come take care of your baby while you get some quality time together?
What are your favorite ways to maintain intimacy in your relationship when you have a baby?
About the Author
Hi! I’m Liza, the owner and founder of Cache Valley Baby & Family. I do a lot of different things, including postpartum doula support, fertility awareness instruction (with a focus on conception), infant feeding support, and perinatal class instruction. I have a passion for working with families and women.
In my perinatal classes and postpartum support, I’ve worked with families from all walks of life, supporting them through their unique journeys. I particularly enjoy watching people become more confident in their own abilities as they go through my classes.
I love teaching fertility awareness. Because of the rest of my services, my focus is mainly on charting for conception, but I’m also experienced and happy to teach those charting to avoid pregnancy or to track their health. I have experience helping people chart with PCOS, thyroid disease, and more. I trained as an instructor through NFPTA.
All of my classes can be taken online from anywhere around the world, and I also hold local classes in Cache Valley, Utah. If you’d like to work with me, go ahead and reach out!
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